Added: Loyal Presler - Date: 10.02.2022 00:15 - Views: 39654 - Clicks: 5636
As Tiny Buddha grows larger, I find there are a lot more people ing me with requests. The people-pleaser in me wants to say yes to everyone, but the reality is that there is only so much time in the day—and we all have a right to allocate our time as best supports our intentions, needs, and goals. Recently someone contacted me with a request that I was unable to honor. I felt angry because I have always struggled with saying no, and this was exactly the type of uncomfortable encounter I generally aim to avoid.
I felt angry because I felt misunderstood and judged, and I wanted him to realize that he was wrong about me. I ended up responding to his fairly quickly with a little bit of defensiveness, albeit with restraint. After I pressed send, I felt a little angry with myself for letting this bother me. Then I realized that this was a wonderful exercise in learning to deal with anger. We all will. We all are. Is your neck tense? Is your chest burning? What to do when you re angry your throat tightening?
Are your legs twitching? Recognize the sensations in your body and breathe into those areas to clear the blockages that are keeping you feeling stuck. You can get yourself all revved-up, stewing in righteousness and mentally rehashing all the ways you were wronged. Or you can talk yourself down from bitter rage into a place of inner calm. Were you having a bad day already? Were you already feeling annoyed or irritated?
Look for all areas where you may be projecting your own traits onto someone else to get closer to root of your feelings. Grab your pen and walk yourself through it step by step. What did the other person do? Are you assuming negative intentions on their part?
Have they done this before? How do you feel besides angry—do you feel insecure, frustrated, or confused? Get it all out.
Now that you know more clearly what part the other person played in your anger and which part is more about you, write a letter to him or her. You may send this letter, or you might end up just burning it.
Sometimes one annoyance can open the floodgates to a laundry list of complaints—but no one responds well to a barrage of criticism. Stick to the issue at hand, and address the other things at some other time. You can help facilitate this by owning some responsibility—that you will listen if they come to you instead of getting emotional. This situation taught you something useful about what you value in the people you choose to be friends with—maybe directness, humility, or loyalty. This will help you decide which people you might want to spend more or less time with going forward.
Learn it, own it, act on it. This experience was What to do when you re angry exercise in expressing yourself in the best way to be heard and understood. There will definitely be more situations like this in the future, so this is good practice for misunderstandings and struggles to come. You probably realized somewhere along this journey that you played some role in the situation.
Very rarely is it black and white. Once you own your part, now you can use that knowledge to create more peaceful relationships going forward. And lastly, forgive. Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha.
She recently launched a Mindfulness Kit to help reduce our stress and increase our peace and joy. For daily wisdom, the Tiny Buddha list here. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is deed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.
Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Allow yourself to feel angry. Make a conscious choice to sit with the feeling. Feel the anger in your body. See this as an exercise in self-soothing. Commit to acting without seeking retribution. Check in with your mood before the incident. Ask yourself: Why is this bothering you so much? Take a projection inventory. Journal about it. Put it in a letter. Resist the urge to unload all your unspoken grievances. Focus on creating a solution. Learn what you value. Learn what you need. Learn how to communicate clearly.
Learn how you can improve your response to anger going forward. I forgive you.
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