Added: Shanece Henthorn - Date: 07.09.2021 14:05 - Views: 17349 - Clicks: 846
Feeling unlovable is painful. For example, when some man begins to show in interest in Julia, she will, sooner or later, remember that she is unlovable and behave accordingly. She cannot believe he can love her. He must be lying. His lie makes her angry.
She tests him to I feel unlovable him down, trying to get at the truth. She may make unreasonable demands, display unreasonable jealousy, manifest unreasonable criticism andanger until he gets the hint. When he leaves her, she can say to herself, I knew it. I knew no one could love me. If he really loved me he would have passed the tests I set for I feel unlovable. But he didnt; he failed. And so did I. It is not terribly difficult to arrange to be unlovable. It is hardly worth doing, but Julia does it anyway. She does not deserve otherwise. Her private logic is as follows:.
She still doesnt know how to solve the problem. In addition to being a prescription for depression and anxiety, this constellation of attitudes is a prescription for self-contempt, which is more than just the absence of self-respect. Julia can not respect anyone who is as unlovableas she seems to be. She can not love herself or allow anyone to love her until she identifies and removes her self-anger and her self-contempt. Her discouragement has rubbed off on those self-respecting candidates who might have made her happy.
In their absence, she must content herself with men who are unworthy of her and also unable to love her because they do not love respect themselves. She finds herself trapped in an impasse: The men she wants she doesnt get; the men she gets she doesnt want! She marries someone because he asks her.
Their relationship cannot be happy because two such unself-respecting people are negatively compatible. They can only fulfill each others negative expectations. A person like Julia, given her attitude that she is unlovable, must find her own special way of moving through life:. She will take out her unhappiness on her daughter, thus insuring an unbroken cycle of misery leading to misery.
She may spend her life giving selflessly to others, never seeking or getting any love in return. These choices represent her solutions to the problem of her unlovability. They will form the backbone of her lifestyle. But they are not conscious choices, at all. They are the mindless I feel unlovable of her negative attitudes from the past.
The antidote to this syndrome is not to rescue such persons and shower them with tons of catch-up love. Love is very nice but it is not enough. It is also inconsistent with their expectations of life. They cannot trust it. That is why, in many cases, love is not the answer. These badly wounded individuals need more basic restorative procedures before they can I feel unlovable the shock of positive affection.
Some of them reed themselves to a loveless existence long ago.
They have put their human need for love and affection on the back burner. They have sealed it off as unfulfillable so it wont hurt so much every day of their lives. But the pain of it is still down there. Sufferers from this syndrome must be rebuilt from the ground up. First, they must be given an identity as a person in their own right, I feel unlovable is what they had before some mindless, unloving grown-up took it away from them.
Second, the individual must be helped to feel that, as a worthwhile person with an identity of her very own, she deserves to be loved after all. Her resistance to such a notion: must be overcome. She has felt guilty, worthless, and inferior all her life. These negative attributes preclude the feeling that she is lovable or deserves to be loved. If these attributes I feel unlovable taken from her too abruptly, she wont know who she is. Third, the individual must be helped on the long, painful journey towards loving respecting herself, a concept that has, so far, been entirely foreign to her experience and her lifestyle.
How can she love someone a mother couldnt even love? It would be an act of disloyalty to do so. It would defile her mothers memory! It would be a crime and she would feel guilty.
Until she replaces these mistaken attitudes in the right way, she will not be able to relieve her painful, joy-killing guilt. There are many such impediments on the road to positive self-regard. Woman sitting alone image available from Shutterstock. Also, here's when to exercise caution, including around the hype on "natural…. If you have an anxiety disorder and your I feel unlovable are bothersome, it might be time to consider medication.
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They also live some of the highest depression and suicide rates I feel unlovable the nation…. There are a few codependent traits and s that may help you identify if you are a people pleaser or if it goes beyond that. Codependency is not a…. The LASER method can help people support each other at work through challenging times by building psychological safety and trust. If a relationship is taxing your mental health, it's time to consider ending it. Here's how to close that chapter and get to the other side.
Here's a clarifying guide on how to enjoy the company of someone you're already friends with, without being a "couple. Being able to communicate openly about stress can help couples navigate some relationship troubles more easily. We all have irrational thoughts from time to time. But what happens when they start affecting your mood and relationships? Here's what that could mean…. The antidote to I feel unlovable unlovable Written by Aaron Karmin on July 23, Psych Central does not review the content that appears in our blog network blogs.
All opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the author alone, and do not reflect the views of the editorial staff or management of Psych Central. Published on PsychCentral. All rights reserved. Written by Aaron Karmin on July 23, Read this next. How to Navigate Friends with Benefits. How to Overcome Relationship Stress, Together.I feel unlovable
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For Everyone Who Has Been Single For So Long They Feel Completely Unlovable