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Posted October 27, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. But losing control of your emotions is never a good thing. It makes responding effectively to the situation just about impossible. The same is true of negative feelings directed not toward another but yourself. Breathe—and Relax. In particular, your breathing speeds up and becomes constricted. Slowing down your breathing represents an ideal first step.
Obviously, whatever else you can do to relax will also help you regain self-control. Try to visualize a tranquil scene— lying peacefully on a private beach, while the sun and warm breeze soothe your whole body.
Additionally, all your other senses are brought into play. The more successfully you can fantasize yourself in such an idyllic environment, the sooner you can more positively reconceive a situation that immediately left you feeling furious, helpless, or dejected. Consider some form of meditationself- hypnosisyoga, tai chi—or even just peering into a fish tank. Typically, what causes you to emotionally overreact are beliefs that are exaggerated or distorted.
Ask yourself:. Inasmuch as your feelings link directly to your thoughts, when your emotions start to overwhelm your better judgment, you need to take a step back and explore the rationality of these thoughts, earnestly attempting to "adjust" them. Look for Positives. You can alleviate your emotional distress if you de-focus from your immediate experience of injustice, fearhurt, or disappointment, and get yourself to re-focus on whatever positives might come out of what just transpired.
Again, in your hyper-aroused emotional state, this will challenge you. Can you get yourself to be less self-righteous, less self-centered? If you consider the possible legitimacy of where the other person is coming from and their self-interest, it can alter your thinking in ways that will soften your distressing feelings.
Become More Mindful. Essentially, what mindfulness is about is not letting your feelings take over. The sad consequence of getting entangled in your emotions is that your best judgment, or higher neocortical functioning, is no longer available.
You may well be plagued by too many negative self-thoughts as it is. Finally, you want to teach yourself to acknowledge all your feelings as genuine, and so justified. Apply Self-compassion as Needed. Take Appropriate Action. And if you have unresolved frustration or anger with someone, can you call or write to that person, or I feel really upset a meeting?
Can you assertively—not aggressively—get the matter resolved? Reach Out to a Friend or Relative. Complementing the above, your negative emotion or mood might dissipate if you overcome whatever immediate resistance I feel really upset have to reach out to someone? Maybe an individual who would be ready to offer you the understanding and emotional support that at present may be missing.
Bring yourself back to the here-and-now and reassess the situation as being less fearful, inflammatory, or hopeless than it initially seemed. If you can tell yourself that this feeling will pass, in time it will die down. Eventually, it will leave on its own—hopefully, replaced by something much less negative.
Since your feelings belong exclusively to you, you can change them just by reevaluating the meaning you gave to what originally provoked you. Journal Away the Feeling. Such an act can enable you to get at least temporary closure on the I feel really upset, and maybe even expand your perspective so that you find it less disturbing.
You can even write a letter specifically to the person who antagonized you or made you feel hurt or abandoned. Sending the letter, however, is something else. What may not be resolvable with someone else may yet be resolved within yourself.
Avoid What Routinely Provokes You. Acting with self-compassion can help you transcend such feelings as sorrow, regret, guiltor shame. Get Out of Yourself. Assisting another in a project, or simply redirecting your attention to listen sympathetically to their problems, almost always helps you feel better. Bring Humor to the Rescue. If you can prompt yourself to behold the situation that so provoked you in a less serious, more comic, vein, then whatever you might have taken too much to heart could lessen in severity.
Get yourself to recognize its more ludicrous aspects. At its best, exercise does at least three things for you. One, it distracts you from the I feel really upset keeping you stuck in your feelings; two, it alters your brain chemistry—gets your opiate-like endorphins flowing; and three, it allows you to physically vent the toxic, stress -induced energy coursing through you.
If you exercise with a trusted friend, the chances of your discouraged mood abating increase all the more. Nurture Yourself. This may be a perfect time to take a walk in the woods, get a massage, or anything else that helps convince you that you deserve as much tender, loving care as anyone else.
Seltzer, Ph. All Rights Reserved. Willpower's Not Enough for Recovering Addictions. New York: Harper, Leon F. He holds doctorates in English and Psychology. His posts have received over 46 million views. Leon F Seltzer Ph. Evolution of the Self. Emotionally Upset? References A. About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist.
Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. July Who Is the True You? Back Today. How Does a Female Psychopath Behave?
How to Detect an Unreliable Partner. Essential Re.I feel really upset
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