How to move past a relationship

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Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets. I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade. I dated, but it was always casual.

How to move past a relationship

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. All dwelling does is cause you to suffer.

How to move past a relationship

When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for ten minutes at a time. Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life. Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself.

And that means forgiving yourself. True, I was single throughout my twenties, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions. Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence—that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry. As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.

Remember them now. And maybe you felt strong, satisfied, and happy, if not with everything in your life, on the whole. Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests How to move past a relationship may have received less attention while you were attached. That person will get you through this loss and will attract someone equally amazing in the future, when the time is right. What do you enjoy? What makes you feel alive? And though someone else can complement your life, you are the only one who can fill yourself from the inside out.

Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again. So instead of wanting a specific person to re- life, want love and happiness, whatever that may look like. You will know love again. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.

Next, you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. Then, How to move past a relationship feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster.

How to move past a relationship

Read books on it, meditate about it, or write about it in a journal. Everything about holding on is torturous. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it. Letting go opens you up to new possibilities. You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually.

It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost. When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It took me eight years to work through my feelings about relationships and letting go; but I am happy to report I am fifteen months into a healthy relationship, standing firmly on my own two feet.

Update: As you can see from the comment section, I have received many requests for advice, and I have done How to move past a relationship best to offer guidance and support. However, I feel a responsibility to express that this post presents my own personal experiences and lessons. I am not an expert on relationships, and I hold no formal training in psychology or counseling.

If you are in a physically or emotionally abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationship, I highly recommend you consult a qualified professional.

How to move past a relationship

Update 2: Due to the high volume of requests for advice, on this and other posts, I may not be able to respond to your comment. However, you are more than welcome to share your experiences! Other readers may be able to offer their insights. Alternatively, you may want to the Tiny Buddha forums to seek guidance and support from the community. Lori Deschene is How to move past a relationship founder of Tiny Buddha. She recently launched a Mindfulness Kit to help reduce our stress and increase our peace and joy.

For daily wisdom, the Tiny Buddha list here. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is deed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking.

Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. Practice releasing regrets. Work on forgiving yourself. Remember the bad as well as the good.

Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship. Create separation. Let yourself feel. Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process. Eventually, you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.

Remember the benefits of moving on. When you let go, you give yourself peace. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts. Embrace impermanence. Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course. Web Twitter Facebook More Posts. See a typo or inaccuracy? Please so we can fix it!

How to move past a relationship

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How to move past a relationship

Going through a spiritual awakening…. Disclaimer This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. Who Runs Tiny Buddha? Back to Top.

How to move past a relationship

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How to Successfully Move Past an Old Relationship So You Can Embrace a New One